You had me at Diet Coke

So, like, remember that post I wrote about that guy.  You know, that guy from Plenty of Fish?  Not Mr Male Model, no.  Not Baby Bowler.  Not Mr Therapy, but the other one.  Ev83.  Yeah, that’s him…

I went back to check on his profile to verify some facts.  He’s deleted it.  That’s okay.  I’ll have words with him about it later.  Perhaps after he’s read this post.  (Ev, if you’re reading this, I have some words for you.)

A PoF guy reads your post? you ask.  Yup.  But he was an eHarmony guy before he was a Plenty of Fish guy.  And I was an eHarmony girl long before I was a Plenty of Fish girl.  And I know he’ll get around to reading this.  I guess he’s as amused by my experiences as I am.

Ev and I were matched on eHarmony more than a year ago.  I probably wouldn’t have contacted him at all if it weren’t for his mention of two very specific things: Saskatchewan Roughriders and Diet Coke. We hit it off right away and I was delighted to find a match for my impressive wit and brilliant humour.  By April 1, we were ready to play the mother of all practical jokes.

I’ve never been one to really participate in April Fool’s pranks, but Ev got me started and I offered to help him.  His plan was to create a fake engagement and post it all over Facebook.  This got my gears working and I offered to add some “realism” to his plot and he agreed to let me help.  At midnight, we made quick work of changing our status, pictures and profiles.  It wasn’t long before congratulations came streaming in.  The photo of my hand adorned with a big, beautiful rock made it that much better.  I still have a congratulation card pinned to the bulletin board above my desk.  Sigh… that was a great day.  By the end of it we’d broken off the engagement with a two hour argument that will be forever known as epic.

Since then, we’ve remained good friends.  I made the trip out to see him and he to see me.  Conversation has never been found lacking and our computers aren’t fast enough for all the music we try to trade.  The subject of dating hasn’t really ever come up…  until lately.

I don’t know what Ev’s family and friends say about me, but mine tell me I should give the guy a chance.  So, when he finally got past his chicken-ness to ask me out last week, I said yes.  Of course, now we’re left waiting until he can take a long weekend from work and can get here to take me out.  I get to pick what we do as long as they include a couple of his preferences.  I pick, he brings his wallet….  Mwahahahaha!

So Ev, here’s your chance.  Don’t screw it up.  Our last fight was just so draining, I don’t know if I can do it all over again.  And if friends is all we’re ever meant to be, friends we’ll be.  From the start, it’s been wild – don’t let me down (Hmm… maybe I should listen to that song…).

I know a therapist, here’s his number.

I’m not educated to be a therapist.  I don’t want to be educated to be a therapist.  I’m dealing with my own issues and would rather not try to deal with yours as well.

While I hope you are all open and truthful with me, there is a line and you’ve crossed it.  Go ahead and tell me you’ve been engaged before. I can deal with that.  People are in and out of relationships all the time, but don’t give me the whole sob story about how she left you a month before the wedding and how you’re still heart-broken over it and basically looking for a chick to rebound with.  I’m not that chick.

I feel for you, I really do (but it makes me wonder why she left in the first place).  However, I’m pretty much a clean slate when it comes to relationships.  I’ve dealt with some serious baggage in the past and know enough to know that I don’t want to deal with it again.  You have obviously not been able to reconcile what’s happened to you and really have no business pursuing me until you’ve found a way to deal with it.

With all of that being said, refrain from contacting any other poor, unsuspecting women, delete your Plenty of Fish profile and for goodness sake, please find a therapist before you even consider any semblance of a love life.