RSS Feed

Category Archives: English

A Gentleman’s Game

Gentlemen really do exist.  Well, at the very least, one does.  This is a good story with a not-so-happy ending.

The other day I was searching for blog fuel.  You know, the weird, wacky, creepy and just plain psycho people that can start a three paragraph rant on just about anything.  I found a few of those and did indeed blog.  But I also found a real winner.  And by winner I mean male model winner.  Not that he was my perfect match or anything, but, ooh baby!, break me off a piece of that!  I looked for any excuse to send him a message and it was he himself who actually presented it!  He mentioned something near the end of his profile about sending a message if a person had bothered to read that far.  Well then!  I sent a note commending him on a well-written and thought out profile.  It’s not a literary masterpiece by any means, but it kept my attention and amused me.  I wasn’t really expecting much out of this one if anything, but, hey, I’ve got nothing to lose, right?

I sent said note on Wednesday.  Most guys respond within a few hours if they’re going to respond at all.  Thursday went by and nothing.  I wasn’t heartbroken by it, so I kept perusing profiles.  Today my phone buzzed wildly at me with several communications.  Wasn’t I surprised to see one from Mr Male Model himself!  So I ran to my computer and logged in and there was a little un-opened envelope waiting just for me!  I swear I shivered in delight.

Dear Jordan
Thank you so much for your kind message and I apologise for being so late in replying. I’ve just read your profile and I have to say you are a rare and remarkable woman….not to mention quite beautiful. Unfortunately I’ve just come out of a long relationship and I’m at the stage of my life where I’m done with casual dating. I don’t want to waste your time since I don’t think we’re very compatible.
Warmest Regards.

First thing I noticed was how obviously thought-out this guy is (or he is at least making use of a passing grade in high school English).  Second was the British spelling – Americans use a “z” in apologise.  He must also be a genius if he can so easily recognise the fact that I am not only rare, but remarkable….not to mention quite beautiful.  Though we really aren’t at all compatible, I appreciate him taking the time to write a little note rather than just leaving me high and dry.  Sigh… If only we were compatible!

But for now, I still have hopes that there is a decent man somewhere out there for me.  Thank you, Mr Male Model for once again proving that gentlemen exist!


U R PriT

First of all, look down.  See that thing on the desk in front of you with a bunch of letters on it?  Yeah, that’s a keyboard and, believe it or not, it’s got ALL the letters of the alphabet!  And, get this, those buttons actually work!  Yes, my friend, those little keys unlock the entire English language, but apparently your brain does not.

I can see by your profile that you have a post-secondary education, but I think you’re lying.  Or maybe you’re not, but I highly doubt that you made top grades in English.  (Hint: if you’re trying to convince someone that you are intelligent, you need to learn to type, and spell.  A bit of proper grammar would go a long way, too.)

Here are some possible conclusions:  a) you’re a moron b) you’re a rocket scientist, but don’t want me to feel inferior to your outrageous intelligence c) you’re a big, fat liar.  No matter what you are, I’m not likely to respond to your profile or any message you may send me.  I don’t go for morons, liars or those who dumb down their intelligence (though if you start spewing words that are too long to fit on one line, I’ll most likely tune out).

Call me old school, but I refuse to learn texting shorthand just to score a date.