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Monthly Archives: April 2010

Canda033 A.K.A. Dirty Filthy Pervert

I’ve only been fishing for two weeks. There may be plenty of fish out there, but there aren’t too many good catches. I’ve tossed a few back already.

This week’s major catch was Canda033. His profile looked alright. The picture not too bad. We messaged back and forth a few times and he wanted to instant message. I thought, why not? So I gave him my disposable email address and he immediately added me to his messenger. I ignored him for a while. Let him dangle a bit, right? Shortly after that, he sent me a Fish message asking me to sign on to messenger. Fiesty little bugger. So I gave in and signed on.

He got through the small talk in no time and kept insisting that we are the same. I wasn’t sure how he came to that conclusion. He’s a Middle Eastern man and me a Canadian woman. Can’t get much different than that.

“This may surprise you, but I have not made love in more than six months.” Ew! Why would you tell me that?

“I’ve never made love, so I’m not surprised.” At first he didn’t believe me and then it was his turn to be surprised. He again insisted that we are the same. I was still not getting the connection.

Mr. Canda033 proceeded to ask some rather personal questions which I either skirted around or ignored. I told him I had to go. He wanted me to stay and chat. I told him I had to get up early in the morning. He wanted me to start my web cam. He started his. Talk about one disappointment after another. It should be a law that, if you post pictures to a dating site, they should actually look like you. The real thing was NOTHING like the picture his profile flaunted. It was in that moment that I knew I’d never activate my camera. I told him again I needed to leave.

“But I want you to stay and chat. I want to excite you.” Ew… you Dirty Filthy Pervert! (I’ve lost track of how many times that phrase has escaped my lips this week.) Given where the conversation had been, I had no doubt of where it was now headed and I wanted no part in it. I immediately closed the chat, blocked him and deleted him from my messenger. Before I could even block him from Plenty of Fish, he’d sent me a message wondering where I’d gone. Block. Delete.

I left my computer that evening feeling highly offended and deeply violated. Apparently, in a parallel universe, Good Little Christian Missionary is secret code for filthy whore. That’s how I felt he’d treated me. A girl my age doesn’t save her viriginity only to have some pervert online try to excite her. He did get me excited, but it had nothing to do with sex.. and a new blog was born.

So here’s my warning to my fellow fisherwomen – watch out for Dirty Filthy Pervert… er… Canda033 (at least the username is something like that, I can’t be sure)!

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Little Miss Virgin

That’s me. The virgin. The twenty-seven year old virgin. And, believe it or not, it’s by choice.

Though online matching is nothing new to me, I’ve recently opened a new chapter of my forray into cyber-dating. I’m an eHarmony girl. Or, was until my subscription expired at the end of March. I’d been an eHarmony girl for three years. Three years!

EHarmony was my mom’s idea. We were in the middle of planning my baby sister’s wedding when my mom called me up at work one day. Valentine’s day. I think she felt sorry for me. It was a good thing that my job required little to no effort and on that day, no attention at all. My mom took me through the entire online survey all the while telling me that this was a good thing and I was bound to meet my match. Well, I met a match. I met over five hundred matches. Or at least five hundred men were matched with me. Whether or not they wished to communicate with me was another story entirely.

The entries that are to follow are the stories I’ve collected over the last three years mixed in with the new stories I’m currently collecting. Gone are the days of deeply compatible matches. Plenty of Fish is my new domain. If you’re a man within fifty kilometres of yours truly, you’re a 97% match! Apparently gender and distance are the only things that really matter. Men and women are reduced to screennames including at least one capital letter and one numerical character. Why hello, MrCanada49! HotStuff1, I bet you’re my match. But wait, Allthatandabagofchips89 just sent me a message. Maybe he’s the one for me.

Join me if you will on an adventure and let’s see if Little Miss Virgin really can find her match!