Sometimes it seems like just days ago. Sometimes it feels like decades ago. In reality, it was somewhere in the middle. Though my life has never been one to be considered dull or bland, I start to wonder where it all went.
I’ve been back in Canada for a little over a week. I didn’t even have the comfortable luxury of taking a break to realign myself with our fair culture. In a mere 18 hours, I made the jump from a hot climate and culture, to a cool climate and culture. (After a month in the Amazon, even Vancouver’s record mild winter felt like an Arctic ice storm to me.) I miss Peru more than words can say. It’s a different life down there. I live the South American version of my life. People who have seen me live both lives know that there is a Peruvian Jordan and there is a Canadian Jordan. I’d like to be both all the time, but I don’t see how that is possible.
For someone who has never fallen in love with the jungle, let alone a third world country, the concept seems odd and foreign. It leaves a residue in the minds of the well-cultured. The concept of giving up a life in the land of opportunity seems misguided at best. Even for those who know me, the concept is difficult to grasp.
I am torn between two worlds. One part of me resides in the land where I was born and raised and love with a passion I cannot describe. The other part in a land I never expected to love, but cannot imagine my life without.
I have no great words of wisdom on how to reconcile these two parts and I am not sure that they even create a whole. There was a day when I thought I knew exactly where I was going and what I wanted and now… I want to go so many places, I want so many things. I wonder if I could have done more or if I could be doing more now. I wonder if I am where I should be or if I’ve missed the mark completely.
I know that I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings for there are many who share the concept of being torn between two lives. I know that there is an answer and I know that it must be sought.