I have been amusing even myself over the past weeks as I relay my tales to whoever is out there in cyberspace reading my entries.
Today, though, I have been slightly deeper in thought, especially after a conversation with a good friend.
I’ve noticed over and over and over again certain attributes as I peruse countless profiles. I cannot tell you how many divorcees I’ve come across. Some, even, who are merely separated. (As far as I’m concerned, if you’re still legally married, you have no business pursuing someone else.) And many who are listed as single with kids. The simplest way to describe how I feel about it it sad.
It makes me sad to see that so many marriages have not made it. It makes me sad to see that so many people seem flippant about the fact that their kids are being raise in single-parent homes. It makes me sad that relationships that are meant to last forever last only a few years.
To be 29 and divorced? I don’t get that. Perhaps because of the way I was raised, I have some different ideas when it comes to relationships and especially marriage. When I see someone divorced at age 29, the only thing I can think of is that they didn’t try. “Irreconcilable differences” is not a reason to end a marriage, it’s an excuse for laziness. Any couple who really wants to make a marriage work, will make it work.
Now, I’m not married, but I’d like to think I’ve gleaned some valuable information from watching the people around me. In my mind the #1 reason for divorce in North America is lack of communication. Once the initial romance wears off (and it does, but I don’t think it has to) you get two people who don’t really seem to know each other and don’t really know how to communicate with each other. In many cases, they’ve fallen in love with what the other person wanted them to fall in love with. When that feeling of being in love wears off, they discover that the feeling is what they’ve based their relationship on. This is decision time. In too many cases, a couple will decide that they don’t love each other any more and go their separate ways. The brave minority will make the choice to stay in love or fall in love all over again.
I think this is where a lasting marriage is made – at the time the decision is made that two people are going to stick it out no matter what. When you remove the option of divorce, you are left with years of hard work ahead of you that will ultimately pay off in a lasting and loving marriage. (That’s not to say that the hard work never ends, though.) The couples who have spent years communicating, working and compromising together are the ones that are happy, not the single person who has a trail of ex-spouses and who knows how many children in their wake.
Should I find someone I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with, I may be bringing a whole load of opinions, craziness and shoes, but I’m not towing a trailer of old lovers and small children that will no doubt be the end of all future relationships. I’m a forever kind of deal.