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Category Archives: fish

You’re So Vain. You Probably Think This Blog is About You.

This fisher woman discovered something this week. When people say a picture is worth a thousand words, it’s really true. Since rejoining the pond, I’ve had this photo posted as my profile picture. I’ve had a few bites, but not many and, honestly, I haven’t really cared.

This is what my friends lovingly refer to as “The Facebook Face”. The type of photo people put up on Facebook because they think it makes them look good. I use it because it amuses me, not because I think I’m sexy.

On a whim, I decided to put up a different photo. This one seems to attract a lot more attention. My blackberry has been a-buzz with notifications from Plenty of Fish.  “You have received an new message from…” and “So and so wants to meet you!”

Until now, I didn’t really think it mattered all that much. Apparently it does. The part that really gets me is that I never really even liked this picture all that much. I was hot and sweaty when it was taken and I can’t even remember what the heck I was laughing at (someone asked me that today). My nose is all scrunchy and one eye is half closed. At least my teeth are straight (thanks for paying for the braces, Mom).

I never claim to understand men, and probably never will. At least for now, it seems that there are a few more fish in the pond who are taking the bait.

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Snakes Aren’t Sexy

Still no new bites, but I have a few tips for you men out there looking for us girls to nibble:

If you think wrapping a snake around your neck is going to get you a date, perhaps you should think again.  Brittany Spears is still feeling the repercussions for her little snake dance.  You’re not helping her cause, nor are you helping your own cause.  Slowly removed the reptile from your shoulders and put it back in it’s tank where it belongs.

I don’t believe it when your profile says that you drink only occasionally when you have a beer in your hand in all eight pictures you’ve posted.  Either you drink more than you let on and don’t want people thinking you’re an alcoholic, you’re trying to make yourself look super-cool by drinking on every continent or your friends need to put the cameras away when drinking.

Posting pictures of yourself entangled with a woman will not get you a new woman.  If she’s your sister, cousin or mother perhaps you should a) take a step back so you look like relatives rather than lovers and b) add a caption.  You don’t look so much alike that people just know you’re relations.

Long, dark beard + long blond hair = bad idea.  Cut, shave or dye.

Is that speck on a snowy mountain really you? I can’t tell. The blinding glare from the snow blacks out your eyes.  (If I can’t see you, you won’t be seeing me.)

If you want to try to convince me that you are actually Clint Eastwood, maybe try posting a picture that wasn’t taken in 1972.  (I still won’t believe you, though.)

Fish are a lot like snakes – most women aren’t turned on by your weekend catch.  Slimy, wriggling fish are not sexy, even if your stunning smile is.

Hand your camera to a buddy, your web cam takes terrible pictures and you won’t look as full of yourself as you do when you take pictures of yourself in the mirror with you iPhone.

I pray this helps.  Lord knows I could stand looking at some decent profile pictures…