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Monthly Archives: July 2013

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I have an aunt, an awesome aunt, who has told me more than once, “Honey, you’re a lot of woman. You’re going to need a whole lot of man.”

I laughed the first time I heard it, but now that a few years have passed, I really know what she meant.

I recently “met” a guy on eHarmony. The thing about eHarmony is that you can usually find some connection with your local matches and even some not-so-local matches. I’ve been matched with my former pastor’s son and a guy I once went out with, but didn’t quite get along with his pigeons. Heck, Plenty of Fish even matched me with my ex brother-in-law. Awkward!

I digress. This guy I met on eHarmony – turns out that one of his Bible school teachers was my Sunday school teacher when I was a kid. Small world, eh? And that wasn’t the only connection. I asked around about him for character references and got the same response from everyone – he’s a really nice guy.

While there is nothing wrong with being a really nice guy, if that’s all people say about you, you’re not for me. After speaking with the guy, I came to the same conclusion. He’s a really nice guy. And when you put me into the picture, it would most likely mean that he’s a guy I’d walk all over. Not intentionally, but my personality is such that I could very easily put the pants on and that would be that.

I blame my mother. My name means “courageous in judgement” – a.k.a. “highly opinionated”. Thanks, Mom. Put that with a “really nice guy” and I’ve just taken over. While, for some women, this would be a perfect setup, it’s not at all what I want. I don’t want to wear the proverbial pants in a relationship. I want a man to take the lead. Someone who can (and will) challenge me and my opinions. Someone who will pursue me.

Sorry all you Mr. Nice Guys, you’re not for me.


Single By Choice

I just finished another round of family weddings – two a week apart from each other. While I am thrilled that two more of my cousins have found love and good men, the well-meaning comments are less than thrilling.

Things like “So, when are you getting married?”. The third finger on my left hand is obviously bare and the person sitting next to me is my 9 year old nephew.

“Your turn next!” I counted, one younger sibling and 6 of my younger cousins are now married with one more is engaged. I don’t think “turns” count here.

“Go for the bouquet – you’ll be next for sure!” I’ve lost count of how many bouquets I’ve caught. I sat the last toss out.

“So, where’s your man?” (They peer over my shoulder as though there may be a man hiding behind me at which point I look back, hoping there is.)

So, to all you well-meaning encouragers, I thank you, but your comments would be better left unsaid.

But here’s the thing, I’d rather be single than be with the wrong man. I’ve seen countless young women in the church lower their standards in desperation. And, in doing so, seen their walk with God falter and fail. Trying to make the wrong relationship right is only a waste of time and effort as well as a mockery of the time you’ve spent waiting for the real right one. Until the right one comes along, I’ll stay single. By choice.