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Monthly Archives: May 2010

Creepy Creep

Remember Mr Therapy?  That guy whose fiance left him a month before the wedding?  That guy who felt the need to attempt to relay the entire story to me (even though much of it got lost in translation).  Yeah, that guy. 

In 10 days, he has sent me 14 communications.  I’ve responded to 5 of them.  Would you take that as an indication of interest on my part?  Everything I’ve sent has been short and to the point and not at all inviting of further communication.  So, like any sane person would do… he asked me out on Friday night.  I could truthfully tell him that I was booked through the weekend.  He now thinks I’m amazingly popular (rather than insanely busy).

So, I’ve tried to be nice and distant, but this guy doesn’t seem to get the hint.  Time to let him down the hard way?  Block him?  Give him a virtual slap?  Or perhaps the link to this very blog so that he may be able to pick up a few handy pointers…

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If your Dumb .. dont bother…

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NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !!NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !!NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !!NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !!NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !!NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !!NO CRACKHEADS!!!!!!!! NO JUNKIES !! NOR BABYMAMA DRAMA !! HAVE A NICE DAY ! =)


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I tried to be nice today.  The above “About Me” is taken from my #1 match of the day.  I couldn’t help it.  Oh, the atrocities that abound!  I sent this gentleman (and I use that term only to describe his gender) a note politely stating that, if he were truly seeking intelligent women, perhaps he should avail himself to spell check and perhaps adjust his profile.  I also asked if his profile entry actually worked for him.

LOL …opps!! i didnt kno you were part of the “Plenty Of Fish Police” !!!

So much for being nice.

and by the way…yup it does work for me. its seperates the dirties that i dont want messaging me!

He gets positive responses to that? Somehow this has not renewed my faith in my own gender, nor the opposite.  At least he took my suggestion and changed his one-liner immediately.  “If you’re dumb, don’t bother.”

One down, untold millions left to go.

Do I look like a heathen to you?

Mark330xi says “ur beautiful”.  (First off, I didn’t realize I could get instant messages on Plenty of Fish.)  At least he got one of three words spelled right.  Punctuation leaves something to be desired. 

Mark/Menosh (don’t know which is his real name) sent me a message the other day saying he like my well-written profile.  He loves my pretty smile and would love to get to know me.  Yup.  Mm hmm.  Today he sent me an IM asking if I liked what I read on his profile.  Sure, why not?  Seems like a half-decent guy and I told him so, but I don’t see what we have in common and he promptly closed his IM window.

Mark/Menosh is 5’8″ (taller than me, but still too short for my heels), divorced (been there, done that, not gonna do it again), drinks socially (you know I don’t really believe anyone who says that), likes weekend getaways (I’m not leaving with any man on an overnight trip until my honeymoon), and on a first date would go for drinks on an outdoor patio (as opposed to an indoor patio).

“Beauty is only skin deep – persoanlity and substance is the key.”  I don’t even know what to say to that.  This guy messaged me because he thinks I’m cute (must look like a dog on the inside if beauty is only skin deep), thinks personality (at least I’m assume that’s what he means) and substance are key, yet didn’t really read my profile (well, maybe he did and chose to ignore several important points).

And here comes my rant:

Guys – girls who don’t drink aren’t going to go for drinks on a first date. 

Just because you think I’m cute doesn’t mean I’m going to think you’re cute especially when my eyes are more drawn to the mess in your bathroom rather than your face (which, by the way, is too blurry for me to discern any details in your features).

If you don’t want me to waste your time, don’t waste mine.  Most people who feel the need to express their religious status (whether it be Christian, Jewish, Sikh, Muslim or any other), aren’t looking for people who aren’t religious at all.  If you’re not a Christian, I can tell you right now, anything else we may have in common is pretty much void – that is unless you’re willing to convert (and by convert, I don’t mean get sprinkled in the church so you can say you’re a Christian, I mean, full out, Holy Ghost-filled, fire-baptized, gonna change the world convert).

I am never ceased to be amazed at the people in the world who do no recognise the great importance of faith in others.  Just because you don’t care that I have faith doesn’t mean that I don’t care that you don’t.  And let’s be honest, if you like to spend your weekends at the pub, I’m gonna be a downer for you since I spent my weekends at church.

I know a therapist, here’s his number.

I’m not educated to be a therapist.  I don’t want to be educated to be a therapist.  I’m dealing with my own issues and would rather not try to deal with yours as well.

While I hope you are all open and truthful with me, there is a line and you’ve crossed it.  Go ahead and tell me you’ve been engaged before. I can deal with that.  People are in and out of relationships all the time, but don’t give me the whole sob story about how she left you a month before the wedding and how you’re still heart-broken over it and basically looking for a chick to rebound with.  I’m not that chick.

I feel for you, I really do (but it makes me wonder why she left in the first place).  However, I’m pretty much a clean slate when it comes to relationships.  I’ve dealt with some serious baggage in the past and know enough to know that I don’t want to deal with it again.  You have obviously not been able to reconcile what’s happened to you and really have no business pursuing me until you’ve found a way to deal with it.

With all of that being said, refrain from contacting any other poor, unsuspecting women, delete your Plenty of Fish profile and for goodness sake, please find a therapist before you even consider any semblance of a love life.

A Gentleman’s Game

Gentlemen really do exist.  Well, at the very least, one does.  This is a good story with a not-so-happy ending.

The other day I was searching for blog fuel.  You know, the weird, wacky, creepy and just plain psycho people that can start a three paragraph rant on just about anything.  I found a few of those and did indeed blog.  But I also found a real winner.  And by winner I mean male model winner.  Not that he was my perfect match or anything, but, ooh baby!, break me off a piece of that!  I looked for any excuse to send him a message and it was he himself who actually presented it!  He mentioned something near the end of his profile about sending a message if a person had bothered to read that far.  Well then!  I sent a note commending him on a well-written and thought out profile.  It’s not a literary masterpiece by any means, but it kept my attention and amused me.  I wasn’t really expecting much out of this one if anything, but, hey, I’ve got nothing to lose, right?

I sent said note on Wednesday.  Most guys respond within a few hours if they’re going to respond at all.  Thursday went by and nothing.  I wasn’t heartbroken by it, so I kept perusing profiles.  Today my phone buzzed wildly at me with several communications.  Wasn’t I surprised to see one from Mr Male Model himself!  So I ran to my computer and logged in and there was a little un-opened envelope waiting just for me!  I swear I shivered in delight.

Dear Jordan
Thank you so much for your kind message and I apologise for being so late in replying. I’ve just read your profile and I have to say you are a rare and remarkable woman….not to mention quite beautiful. Unfortunately I’ve just come out of a long relationship and I’m at the stage of my life where I’m done with casual dating. I don’t want to waste your time since I don’t think we’re very compatible.
Warmest Regards.

First thing I noticed was how obviously thought-out this guy is (or he is at least making use of a passing grade in high school English).  Second was the British spelling – Americans use a “z” in apologise.  He must also be a genius if he can so easily recognise the fact that I am not only rare, but remarkable….not to mention quite beautiful.  Though we really aren’t at all compatible, I appreciate him taking the time to write a little note rather than just leaving me high and dry.  Sigh… If only we were compatible!


But for now, I still have hopes that there is a decent man somewhere out there for me.  Thank you, Mr Male Model for once again proving that gentlemen exist!

The Perfect First Date

I believe the following need little explanation.  These “first dates” are actually pulled from real profiles.  You tell me if you’d go out with these guys:

“i will go with a red rose, my heart, and kiss. iwill promise that i will love for ever, i will give my heart as a gift and i will kiss, if somebody accept me as a her lover.”  (I’m not sure it’s a good idea to tell a girl that you will love her forever when on your first date.  These things take time!)

“You’ll just have to wait and see…”  (Could he be any less creative?  I’m not into top-secret first dates.  It’s difficult enough to go on a first date without wondering if the guy is going to take you bungee jumping, kayaking or watersliding.)

“A first date would be dinner and drinks on a patio at Whiterock could you spot me a coulpe of bucks?”  (Yes, I always wanted to pay for a first date.  Who wants to go dutch when you can pay for the whole thing yourself?)

“thats simple i would probably just go out for a coffee or a couple of drinks. no sense in wasting time trying to go on a complex date when you dont even know the person. a first date is almost like a job interview. your both trying to determine if one is qualified for the other.”  (At least this guy has the right mindset regarding first dates.  Why waste time and money on an elaborate date when you don’t even know if you’re going to go on another?)

“Rob a bank then fly off to somewhere exotic and bury a lot of the money in a mayonnaise jar somewhere in the sand then make a treasure map so we can find it later” (Now that’s my idea of a first date!)

Then there is the endless list of boring (you wouldn’t believe how many people actually put “coffee or drinks”)…

“Am big on surprises so i won’t tell you right now but i will make it memorable”

“go somewhere we can talk and have some fun”

“Well something fun i bet, something to break the ice…. :)”

“For a first date something simple like a coffee or a drink where we can talk and get to know one another.”

This is what we’re getting ladies.  A bunch of indecisive men who aren’t willing to commit to anything.  Tell me again why I’m doing this?

I’ve Met My Match

On a whim, I decided to check out who Plenty of Fish matched me with.  I am not sure of how they make matches, or how they measure compatibility, but my #1 match is kwantis. A 25 year old Leo who’s looking to talk/e-mail.  He’s a student and would prefer not to mention his drinking habits (can you say alcoholic?). He’s not at all religious, but has his own car (1 point to kwantis for owning a vehicle).

With phrases like “Dam you Freedom of speach” listed in his hobbies and “Deleat this profile” as one of his life goals, who wouldn’t want to bring this guy home to meet the parents?  And how will he impress them you may ask?  “I’m 100 feet tall, I shoot lightning bolts out off my *ss.”  I’m impressed.  How ’bout you?