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Monthly Archives: July 2010

You Lost Him At Hello

Now, before you all go thinking that I totally messed up my date weekend, think again.  In fact, my title has nothing to do with the weekend.  Perhaps I’ll discuss my weekend at a later date, then again, perhaps not.

No, this post is about a book.  “The Book”, in fact.  There’s a book that is being passed around my circle of friends.  The book is You Lost Him At Hello by Jess McCann.  While the theory of a self-help dating book is nothing new, I’ve never read one like this.  (Not that I’ve read many.)  After the first chapter, I’d already decided that I did not agree with most of the points contained within the binding.  After the second chapter, I was solid in my decision.  After the third, I decided I’d finish the thing for the sole purpose of argument.

The premise of the book is that dating is just like sales.  While I do believe that you must sell yourself (this is self-promotion, not selling-out) some what, I think that most sales people are full of it and can usually manage to B.S. their way through a deal.  I know a lot of sales people.  They’re good at B.S.  I’m not sure that the dating scene is the right place for a load of crap. I mean, if you’re looking to string along numerous partners, lead them on and play games, by all means, go ahead.

I took offense when the author claimed that, if a girl says she doesn’t play games she: doesn’t know how to play, is to lazy to play or doesn’t have the discipline to play.  Notice the complete removal of the option for she really doesn’t want to play

I’m not a player.  If you’ve been reading this blog at all, you know I’m not one to layer on facade after facade.  I’m not going to tell a guy one thing when I believe another.  Let’s be honest, I’m not the kind of girl who is out looking for a good time.  I’m not going to date a different guy every weekend (I so don’t meet that many guys).  I don’t have a funnel to fill.

Fill a funnel? you ask.  Yes, fill the funnel.  The theory here is that every girl has a funnel and, in dating – like sales, it should always be full. A realtor is always working with multiple deals so that if one falls through, there’s another on the table. The theory is that a girl should be stringing along several guys so that if one doesn’t work out, she’s got another. And this way she doesn’t seem completely desperate because she’s got other guys to fall back on.  Does this seem conniving and dishonest to anyone else?

Through my reading, I have to remind myself that this book is written by someone who does not hold the same set of standards as I, nor does she share my faith.  In fact, it seems that all she does is date, date, date.  My question is, if her practice works so well, why is she still single?  What happens if she finds someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with?  She’s so used to dating multiple men, what makes her think that, when the time comes, she’ll be able to commit to just one man?  While in theory, some of the points made in the book are valid, but as a whole, it is full of faults.

I’m a fan of I Kissed Dating Good-bye.  I’ll stick with that.  Thanks Joshua Harris (at least he’s happily married).