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Category Archives: communication

Before clicking “send”…

Before you click the send button, please put just a little bit of thought into what you have to say. Is it worthwhile? Is it going to get a response (provided you’re looking for a response and I assume you are since you’re also on Plenty of Fish)? Is it well thought out? How will this be received? Would I want to get a message like this?

These few simple questions could have dramatically positive effects on how people respond to you.

Of the last few messages I’ve received on PoF, here’s what I’ve seen (word for word):

“Hi” (x2)

“How are you doing tonight?”

“hello there, how are you doing today besides looking so beautiful?”

(Here’s one of my favourites)

“So long, I’ve been looking too hard, I’ve waiting too long
Sometimes I don’t know what I will find
I only know it’s a matter of time
When you love someone… When you love someone…
It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too
(Aaah-aaah) maybe I’m wrong
(Aaah-aaah) won’t you tell me if I’m coming on too strong?
(Aaah-aaah) this heart of mine has been hurt before
(Aaah-aaah) this time I wanna be sure
I’ve been waiting, for a girl like you
(Ooh-ooh-ooh) to come into my life (life)
I’ve been waiting, for a girl like you
(Waiting for a girl) and a love that will survive

Hi if I asked you on a date,would you accept?”

(And the worst of all…)

“u have been on here forever, i dont think any mother could love you :)”

I sent a response back to that last one asking if he thought before he sent anything. I tried to be polite about it, but when a girl gets a comment like that, it’s a little difficult to try to be nice and diplomatic. Like the happy face at the end is suppose to make me feel better about the preceeding comment?

So please, please, whoever you are, think a little bit before you hit “send”. You’ll be doing us all a favour.

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Hold it together, man!

I have been amusing even myself over the past weeks as I relay my tales to whoever is out there in cyberspace reading my entries.

Today, though, I have been slightly deeper in thought, especially after a conversation with a good friend.

I’ve noticed over and over and over again certain attributes as I peruse countless profiles.  I cannot tell you how many divorcees I’ve come across.  Some, even, who are merely separated.  (As far as I’m concerned, if you’re still legally married, you have no business pursuing someone else.)  And many who are listed as single with kids.  The simplest way to describe how I feel about it it sad.

It makes me sad to see that so many marriages have not made it.  It makes me sad to see that so many people seem flippant about the fact that their kids are being raise in single-parent homes.  It makes me sad that relationships that are meant to last forever last only a few years.

To be 29 and divorced?  I don’t get that.  Perhaps because of the way I was raised, I have some different ideas when it comes to relationships and especially marriage.  When I see someone divorced at age 29, the only thing I can think of is that they didn’t try.  “Irreconcilable differences” is not a reason to end a marriage, it’s an excuse for laziness.  Any couple who really wants to make a marriage work, will make it work.

Now, I’m not married, but I’d like to think I’ve gleaned some valuable information from watching the people around me.  In my mind the #1 reason for divorce in North America is lack of communication.  Once the initial romance wears off (and it does, but I don’t think it has to) you get two people who don’t really seem to know each other and don’t really know how to communicate with each other.  In many cases, they’ve fallen in love with what the other person wanted them to fall in love with.  When that feeling of being in love wears off, they discover that the feeling is what they’ve based their relationship on.  This is decision time.  In too many cases, a couple will decide that they don’t love each other any more and go their separate ways.   The brave minority will make the choice to stay in love or fall in love all over again.

I think this is where a lasting marriage is made – at the time the decision is made that two people are going to stick it out no matter what.  When you remove the option of divorce, you are left with years of hard work ahead of you that will ultimately pay off in a lasting and loving marriage.  (That’s not to say that the hard work never ends, though.)  The couples who have spent years communicating, working and compromising together are the ones that are happy, not the single person who has a trail of ex-spouses and who knows how many children in their wake.

Should I find someone I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with, I may be bringing a whole load of opinions, craziness and shoes, but I’m not towing a trailer of old lovers and small children that will no doubt be the end of all future relationships.  I’m a forever kind of deal.

Creepy Creep

Remember Mr Therapy?  That guy whose fiance left him a month before the wedding?  That guy who felt the need to attempt to relay the entire story to me (even though much of it got lost in translation).  Yeah, that guy. 

In 10 days, he has sent me 14 communications.  I’ve responded to 5 of them.  Would you take that as an indication of interest on my part?  Everything I’ve sent has been short and to the point and not at all inviting of further communication.  So, like any sane person would do… he asked me out on Friday night.  I could truthfully tell him that I was booked through the weekend.  He now thinks I’m amazingly popular (rather than insanely busy).

So, I’ve tried to be nice and distant, but this guy doesn’t seem to get the hint.  Time to let him down the hard way?  Block him?  Give him a virtual slap?  Or perhaps the link to this very blog so that he may be able to pick up a few handy pointers…