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Monthly Archives: May 2012

Hey, ‘sup.

Most girls don’t respond to “hey, ‘sup” in person so why do some men think they will online? It sounds (looks) even worse typed out than it does out loud. Stan500 tried this one on me this week. I hope by now you’d know me well enough to know that he did not receive a response. The obvious lack of time in sending the message does not merit me wasting my time responding.

In addition to “hey sup”, I’ve also had, “Hey beauty,how are u?”, “Hi”, and a “How are you doing tonight?” from Cat_Man_Dan. (That name alone was enough for me to avoid responding – I’m allergic to cats).

The best one was “still interested…in more?” I asked about that one. Apparently some guy (who didn’t even appear all that bad) let his buddy use his PC (and his Plenty of Fish account) and that message ensued. I was almost disappointed that he didn’t communicate on purpose. One of the first interesting guys I get a message from lately and he wasn’t even the one who sent it!

Here’s to hoping that one of these days someone will try something worth responding to.

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Making Arrangements

Facebook has decided, based on the sites I visit and the things I like, that I should sign up to an assortment of marriage brokerage sites. Not dating sites, marriage sites. Big difference here. I get a lot of pop-ups for Shaadi.com. It’s the “world’s largest matrimonial service”. In addition to being a woman looking for man or a man looking for a woman, you can be a mother looking for a son-in-law or a father looking for a daughter-in-law. You can go looking in certain communities: Punjabi, Urdu, Bengali… Pick your religion. Pick your mother tongue. Pick your caste/sect. Shaadi.com is the one stop marriage shop.

Why am I talking about this, you may wonder? I’ve decided to ask my parents to arrange my marriage.¬†

No, not really. But if it were socially acceptable for a white girl living in Vancouver to do so, I think I would.

It is often said that arranged marriages actually have a better chance at making it than “love” marriages. Why is that? I believe that, when two people enter an arranged marriage, that they have already made the decision to get married and stay married. In most cases, it’s what they’ve grown to accept their whole life. They trust that their parents will find the right person for them and, if they make the choice early on, the marriage often turns into a loving relationship.

So what about “love” matches. Honestly, I think a big part of the problem isn’t love. It is, as Greg Sczebel put it, the lack thereof. What most people equate to be love isn’t love at all but raging¬†hormones and emotions that result in a whole lot of lust and when that fades away, they decide that they don’t “love” each other any more. All the shine and glitter is gone and they’re left with the harsh reality that the relationship was based on six pack abs and perky breasts (neither of which will last a lifetime).

Is there hope for love yet? Sure there is. Is there hope for a lasting marriage? Of course. But it always has and always will take two people making the decision to stick it out no matter how far south certain body parts may go.

These Virgin Ears

I long ago resigned myself to the fact that I live in this world. Crazy, I know. I live in a big, liberal city full of liberal people. People who claim their freedom of expression, freedom of speech and freedom of beliefs. Don’t get me wrong, I have faith in the Canadian Chart of Rights and Freedoms, but is there a line somewhere? And if there is a line, where is it?

I was at school early today planning on getting in a little work before class started. A couple of my friends were already in the classroom doing some last minute homework and discussing an upcoming art show. I love my friends at school, but I often have to remind myself that they had a very different upbringing than I and we may not see eye to eye on certain things. Often, if people are in a classroom early, someone will go to YouTube and put on some music to fill the silence. Usually I’m okay with that. Sometimes hearing the same song over and over and over again gets a little annoying, but it’s catchy, so I can cope. Today, though, was another story.

When the music was put on, I tried to ignore it, but in the end, I actually left the room. Chances are that my friends didn’t even realise what they were watching was offensive and I’m willing to bet they didn’t realise I left the room because I found it so offensive.

In the end, I’ve come to understand this: while I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I live in this world and I see things and hear things I don’t want to hear or see, I still have virgin ears and there are still things that I hear that make me blush and wish I hadn’t heard it at all.

If You Want to Talk, Talk.

When that little “So-and-so Wants to Chat” window pops up on Plenty of Fish, I usually ignore it. The past couple of days, I didn’t… and wish I had.

The first conversation I had started off well enough. He seemed like a nice guy, like he wanted to get to know me. And then the questions started getting personal. And I don’t mean personal like how many boyfriends have you had or when was the last time you were kissed. It was what do you do when you get turned on? I told the guy I wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation. He didn’t even have the manners to apologise for his inappropriate line of questioning before he left the chat (this was after I’d told him I found good manners attractive – apparently he wasn’t interested in that, only how quickly he could get into my pants, which, by the way would have been never).

The second conversation was yesterday evening. I was at school before class was to start and logged on to see if there was anything blog-worthy. There wasn’t until that little chat window popped up. The guy asked me if it was okay that he was from Victoria. I told him that was fine. It’s not like we’re planning a life together right off the bat. I really don’t care where a guy is at first chat. Chances are that nothing will come of it anyway. I was right. Dude started the conversation, decided he didn’t really have anything to say after all and left the chat within a matter of minutes.

Here’s the point to all of this. The first is this: if you met a girl somewhere, let’s say you sit beside her on the train, how soon into the conversation would you ask her when she gets turned on? I’m guessing never. That’s because it’s inappropriate. I don’t see how having an initial conversation online makes this any different. The second is this: if you start a conversation, you’d better have enough to keep it going. You’re the one who asked me to talk, don’t expect me to carry the communication.

That’s all. I have nothing more to rant about today.

Paolo

Image

Meet Paolo. Cute. Right? Paolo met the girl of his dreams, Celeste in Rome. He’s Italian, she’s French. Love at first site. The whole shebang. They spend a few beautiful moments together and that was it. Her friends whisked her away and she’s off to Paris. All he knows is that she will be in New York for her birthday. He’s recorded a video for her and saved in on a flash drive which gets lost and ends up in the hands of a video blogger. She’s taken by the story and is bound and determined to see Paolo and Celeste together in New York at Cafe Kismet for Celeste’s birthday.

 

Skip to the end. Video blogger Natalie hops on a plane and gets herself to New York. She doesn’t want to miss the happy reunion of Paolo and Celeste. With her are others who had been following her video stories. All dressed in red, they wait. Someone says something. Paolo is there at Cafe Kismet! Unfortunately, Celeste is not. Natalie is heartbroken for the star-crossed lovers. Paolo, though, could not be happier. Somehow he found out about Natalie’s blogging and her quest to see him with Celeste once again. Completely taken in by her passion for his love for another, Paolo did not come to New York for Celeste, but for Natalie! Sigh.

Unfortunately, none of this is really true. I saw it on a tv show last week. This is just me hoping and praying that there really are men like Paolo out there who would fly around the world to meet a girl he fell in love with because she was in love with his love story.

Before clicking “send”…

Before you click the send button, please put just a little bit of thought into what you have to say. Is it worthwhile? Is it going to get a response (provided you’re looking for a response and I assume you are since you’re also on Plenty of Fish)? Is it well thought out? How will this be received? Would I want to get a message like this?

These few simple questions could have dramatically positive effects on how people respond to you.

Of the last few messages I’ve received on PoF, here’s what I’ve seen (word for word):

“Hi” (x2)

“How are you doing tonight?”

“hello there, how are you doing today besides looking so beautiful?”

(Here’s one of my favourites)

“So long, I’ve been looking too hard, I’ve waiting too long
Sometimes I don’t know what I will find
I only know it’s a matter of time
When you love someone… When you love someone…
It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too
(Aaah-aaah) maybe I’m wrong
(Aaah-aaah) won’t you tell me if I’m coming on too strong?
(Aaah-aaah) this heart of mine has been hurt before
(Aaah-aaah) this time I wanna be sure
I’ve been waiting, for a girl like you
(Ooh-ooh-ooh) to come into my life (life)
I’ve been waiting, for a girl like you
(Waiting for a girl) and a love that will survive

Hi if I asked you on a date,would you accept?”

(And the worst of all…)

“u have been on here forever, i dont think any mother could love you :)”

I sent a response back to that last one asking if he thought before he sent anything. I tried to be polite about it, but when a girl gets a comment like that, it’s a little difficult to try to be nice and diplomatic. Like the happy face at the end is suppose to make me feel better about the preceeding comment?

So please, please, whoever you are, think a little bit before you hit “send”. You’ll be doing us all a favour.